My oh my how things have changed since that last post. I guess I didn’t tell you guys (all three of you)… I found him. As with every relationship, it was absolutely magical that first month.
Then it all came crashing down.
It was no one’s fault but my own. There are, however, three people I blame.
My mom
My dad
My best friend
Winning combination, isn’t it?
So the magic quickly turns to poison, seeping all through me with guilt and lost hope. Don’t get me wrong, we’re still together, but barely. I don’t even know what to say on here. I need to get it out.
Sometimes I imagine how easy it would be if I just ended it now. Hurt for a while, but eventually be better. Instead of dragging it out like we’re doing now. But I really can’t give up. Because if there’s that one little chance that we’ll make it through this, I have to try. I don’t know if he knows this or not. He always goes on about how he doesn’t know anything… and how he’s lost all hope.
He’s avoiding me, I know it. We’re talking less. It will go soon I am sure, the only question is when. I can’t believe I am letting this happen to me again…
When he looked at me, I felt beautiful. Worth looking at.
But now I am just me again, ugly in all forms, mental and physical.
Ilsy
